Have you ever struggled with self-confidence, and wondered if you have what it takes to succeed? Have you ever been told by a friend, mentor, or self-help guru that all you need to do is to “believe in yourself?”
I’m sure that you’ve heard this cliché self-help mantra at least a thousand times. We all have. If it were this simple, wouldn’t everyone be a rock star in everything they tried? Is believing in yourself enough, and how much belief do we need?
If you are like me, you have probably struggled with self-confidence. Reading and listening to the experts, there have been times I was convinced that believing in myself was enough to make my world change. Life would get good. The money would roll in. Clouds would part, and angels would sing – if I just believed in myself enough.
Like you may have, I tried a lot of different angles to increase self-confidence. Positive self-talk. Affirmations. Spiritual discovery. You have probably done all of this and more. But it wasn’t until I spent time studying my beliefs that there were any real breakthroughs. A sure sign to help you recognize that you have a belief problem is when there is a difference between what you say, and what you do.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Believing in yourself, at least for a short time, is pretty easy. Like anything else in life, we can summon short-term discipline we need to tackle the obstacles that come our way. The problem arises when we either lack the short-term discipline or have to face the same challenges for a length of time.
The problem with the “just believe in yourself” mantra is that we all have limiting beliefs that haven’t been identified or addressed. Without taking the time to evaluate whether our beliefs are working for us or against us, all of the chanting, affirmations, and mantras in the world are useless.
Not addressing our limiting, negative beliefs, and “just believing in yourself” is like doubling down on our faulty view of the world. Expecting any real change in your behavior is truly the definition of insanity. Rather than focusing on reinforcing and motivating yourself around what you think you believe, you should take the time to critically evaluate if your beliefs are working for you.
Roberts Dilts points out in his book “Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being,” that the primary goal when working with a limiting belief is to get from the present state to the desired state. The first important step is, to begin with identifying your desired state.
Have someone you trust or ask yourself some probing questions when faced with a recurring source of frustration or a difficult situation:
- Since what you are doing now isn’t working, what is stopping you from doing something different?
- What are you assuming is true or speculating will happen?
- Could there be another reason for why you are stuck? Could something else be true or possible?
- Based on what else could be true or possible, what might you do differently to get a different result?
The journey to self-confidence can be long and difficult. However, a solid understanding of how we can challenge our beliefs and evaluate if they are working for us is the critical foundation for success.
By answering these and other questions, you can begin to better understand how beliefs affect your success and stop the “Yes I can – I’m not sure – yes I can” cycle of false confidence. You will then have the power to change your thoughts and use them to propel yourself toward success.
You can do this. It’s what I believe about you.
Future posts in this series are scheduled that will help you understand how beliefs affect your health, wealth, and success. If you want to connect, sign up for free tools and updates, and to know when new items are posted, sign up at johnlgallagher.com.